Thinking Of You
by Mikaela.xo
Summary: She wasn't scared about being with him anymore. She knew she loved Noah. If only it wasn't too late.   One-Shot based on Katy Perry's 'Thinking Of You'. Warning: Character Death.


_****_**This is a Puckleberry one-shot based on Katy Perry's 'Thinking Of You', my favourite song of hers. I know it's not exactly spot on to the song and music video, but I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

><p><em>Comparisons are easily done, once you've had a taste of perfection.<em>

Noah loved her.

Rachel couldn't admit it she loved him.

He stuck by her. She thought love was too messy, too confusing. She never let herself fall in love. Because love? Love was just another feeling to add to the other she couldn't stand. It was all easier without love, without any feelings. He thought different. He thought a whole lot differently. He was an old fashioned kind of guy. He knew how to treat a lady. He wanted to be the only guy for her. He _was _the only guy for her. He wished she felt the same way. He wished to hear those three words come from her mouth.

But they never came.

She had been hurt too many times in love. She was always second best. But with Noah, she always came first. He _always _put her first. He wondered if she would ever put him first.

If only she would let him in.

It was the summer of their senior year; the two were spending a hot, Indian summer day by the lake. He held her in his arms under the big tree, as she curled up into his body. It was like her body fit perfectly in his. He held her protectively, as if to send the message she was his. He ran his fingers through her luscious brown locks softly, twirling it in between his fingers occasionally. The hot sun was burning down on them, but all his attention was on her. The tree swayed in the wind above them, the whole atmosphere of this place making the both of the very happy. She would look into his eyes so genuinely and lovingly, like everything between them was perfect. She was wearing that cute little sundress he had always adored on her. And then she leaned up, pulling his head towards hers at the same time and kissed him. The kiss was soft, but firm. She would never forget his kisses. He was always so gentle with her, always so considerate and caring. If only she had realized how much she needed him sooner.

They went swimming in the lake that same afternoon, Rachel slipping out of her dress to reveal her pink bikinis; Noah carefully helped her down the slight hill to the lake. The both of them laid in inflatable rings, floating around the peaceful lake holding hands. To anyone else, they would have looked so in love. Like they belonged together. Rachel wanted to feel that way, but she was scared. She wanted to be with him. She just couldn't bear to get hurt again. He had always been the one picking up the pieces of her messed up relationships. Who would be there for her if they didn't work out?

She still remembered the day he took her on a bike ride through the forest like it was only yesterday. He had held his hand out to her, only saying the words "trust me." She took his hand without any hesitation. They rode for hours, Rachel sitting on top of the handlebars, her smiles and laughter made him chuckle as his chin rested on her shoulder. He would peddle along for hours, just spending time with her made his heart race like it never had with any other girl.

It would all become distant memories for Rachel the day he left. She pretended she was fine. The she would be fine. But he worried about her. He had to do it, but it didn't mean he wanted to. And he was right. She struggled through the days, spending each and every one regretting not trying hard enough to keep him here. She kept a photo of him blue tacked to her mirror. She picked it up every day, just stared right into it as if it would bring him back. She would spray the perfume she used to wear while with him all over her body, trying to bring back the memories of him. All the while, the guy she had replaced Noah with would be sound asleep in the bed behind her. God, she wished it was him sleeping next to her every night. She wished it was him she shared her whole life with; she wished it was him she woke up to every morning. She missed their summer they spent together. Those were the best days of her life.

She knew she was being used. The guy only wanted her for one thing, and she was giving it to him. Rachel had met him at a bar only weeks after Noah had left. Noah had told her to move on. Where would she go? She knew a bar downtown wasn't exactly what he meant, but it was close enough. She was drowning her sorrows and he had offered to help her out. Ever since, it had become a regular occurrence. He would force himself onto her, she would sleep with him, and in the morning she would regret it.

As she stared out the window of her home, out onto the field where they used to lay every afternoon and watch the sunset, she would imagine he was there. It was almost as if she could see him waving to her for her to join him, and her giggling. Then she would feel his arms wrap around her, begging her to come back to bed (she obviously knew why) and Noah would disappear.

The day she got the phone call from him, she was ecstatic. She made up an excuse as to why she couldn't fulfil the needs of her new 'boyfriend' tonight and she got dressed up, ready to see the man of her dreams. She arrived at the dance and that's when she saw him. Dressed in his uniform, all neat and clean and spiffed up, looking around the room for what hoped was her. And then their eyes met, and all the memories of the last time they were together came flooding back to her. She couldn't get over to him fast enough, her feet moving her at double her normal speed as she threw herself into his arms. She didn't want to let him go. It felt like only yesterday she was saying goodbye to him.

They danced all night to the beat of the music, both holding each other until the music and lights faded away, leaving only them in the middle of the dance floor, neither wanting the moment to end. Noah ended up breaking the moment, kissing her sweetly on the lips goodbye, before letting her hand go for what was going to be the last time.

He pushed her down onto the bed, yanked her clothes off as he forced himself onto her. And she let him. The love of her life, Noah Puckerman, had left again only a week earlier, and she was noticing even more now how much she needed him. He kissed her lips roughly, the taste of another woman on his lips making her feel physically sick. He would do the same day in and day out; use her for sex before moving on to another woman. But as long as someone was touching her, she didn't feel _as_ lonely. She could _never _forget Noah, but until he came home to her for good, she had to pretend she was okay, and this was the only way. She wasn't scared about being with him anymore. She _knew_ she loved Noah. If only it wasn't too late.

The day she received the letter was a beautiful summer day, it reminded her of the ones she used to spend by the lake with him. She had sent her lover home for the day, giving him some excuse that she had to help a friend out. In reality, she just wanted to make the most of the gorgeous day, and she would rather do that alone if she didn't have Noah here. She couldn't help but smile as she walked to the mailbox; the cool breeze and the summer sun making her feel happy and alive, as she was only months ago. In the moment she opened the letter, her whole body went limp, all the memories of him flashing back through her mind. Reading the words stating Noah Puckerman had been killed in action sent shivers down her spine. He couldn't be. It had to be a mistake; it had to be someone else. He was supposed to come back to her, she was supposed to tell him how she felt and they would live happily ever after.

How could it be true?

She didn't want to believe it. The days went by till his funeral quickly, giving her less and less time to deal with the situation. She hadn't cried. She hadn't spoken a word to anyone since the letter. She didn't want to believe it, so until the funeral, she had blocked it all out, but the day came much too soon. It was like déjà vu, the sun was out shining, the water on the lake was glistening and the breeze made the leaves on the trees rustle softly. He would have loved this day, she knew it.

As she dressed in her black dress and headpiece, she picked up the photo of him stuck to her dresser once again, staring down at it as a teardrop fell right on the corner of the torn photo. She could finally let it all out. She fixed the final bit of her makeup, before slipping her heels on and made her way outside, walking down her front porch and driveway to say goodbye to the man she loved for the last ever time.

'_Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay._


End file.
